I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
