I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
