Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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