Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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