On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
