are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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