We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
