I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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