I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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