I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
