I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize