I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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