If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
