I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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