were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
