Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
