And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
