And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
