I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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