you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
