thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm too high and old for this...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
