Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
