New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize