So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
