Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why do cheetos always look like penises
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
