You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
