I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
