just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize