i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
