too bad you live with your parents still
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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