Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Randomize
