I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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