I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Every concussion has its silver lining
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
