We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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