This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
