Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
