Slut skills are useful in every country.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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