Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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