I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
