Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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