If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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