Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she peed on how many people?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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