i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
