I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
