they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
