omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
