dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize