Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
