Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
