A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
