did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize