I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Randomize
