mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
