Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
