Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize