if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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