You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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