complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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