i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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