making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
