fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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