You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
