i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
