your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
