He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
