im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize