Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
