i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
