There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
