i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
farters have to be the big spoon...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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