if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
