we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
