someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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