Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
