4 words: hood of his car
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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