16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
