i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
