im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
