the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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