Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
