My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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