if i can run in heels then i can drive
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize