Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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