...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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