your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
