I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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