Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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