im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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