If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize