I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
