Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
