So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
