Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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