Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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