i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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