tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
