I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
