I just pynch a tree in the face
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
