im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
