grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How's work?
Spinning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
