I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We need to get me chipped asap
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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