no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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