could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
