Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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