Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
