Kiss
Puke
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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